 One of her one-of-a-kind outfits. This is most definitely one of those posts that falls under the Loving Abigail heading, I hope you'll indulge me in a moment of mommy mistiness.
Tonight as I was in the kitchen getting dinner ready, my 4-year-old daughter came racing into the kitchen, and as I bent down to her she wrapped her little arms around my neck and we both turned into a smooch. And then she did what she does so often these days, she turned my head so she could smother my cheek in kisses. As she dangled from my neck and loudly exclaimed, "I love you SO much mommy," in my ear, I got a little misty and a little pre-nostalgic.
It was one of those moments that I knew I wanted to tuck away into my memory bank to treasure for the rest of my life because before I know it, she will be a teenager and the hugs, kisses, and loves will be few and far between. The ease in which we relate to each other now will seem like a fairy tale.
There are so many of these little moments that I wish I could lock in my memory forever, like earlier when we were playing outside and she was "flying" (belly swinging). Watching her dressed in her nightgown, a sweatsuit, pink stretchy gloves (no, it's not that cold), a hat, and sparkly purple shoes as she ran her little feet to send herself soaring...And the giggles that were quick to follow, magical.
The little moments...The last kiss before I go to bed, the giggles that are so infectious we get lost in minute after minute of laughter before I realize it's bedtime and we should be winding down, not giggling up. It's walking hand and hand up the stairs or holding her snug in my arms. The moments that seem unforgettable, but I will struggle to remember the bitty details, like just how she looks when she crinkles her nose just so...
Treasure the little things. Write them down so one day your little one will know just how very treasured her very being is.
Oh, it's been far too long since I've last checked in here. Shame on me! I feel like I'm treating these pretty pages too much like the many journals and diaries I've started and neglected since my childhood.
But I'm here now with a conversation I recently had with my daughter running through my melon. It was one of those car conversations - you know, the ones where you look in the rearview mirror at your child's face and your heart breaks a little as you see how quickly time is marching on and you realize in the blink of an eye that sweet little face will be that of a teenager.
For whatever reason Abby tells me that being 4 is her favorite number and she isn't much looking forward to turning 5. I'm not entirely sure what it is about 5 that she's not at all looking forward to, but with that we got to talking about all the awesomeness that comes with being 5. You get to go to kindergarten (where there is recess!), you'll learn how to tie your shoes, and 5...Well when you're 5 it's as if you've arrived. Sure, you're no baby at 4, but 5, well 5 is like you've officially made it into the land of the big kids.
I'm not gonna lie, I'm not all that eager for her to turn 5 either. Because she's going to be off to kindergarten (for a whole day! what is that?!), she's going to be well onto the road of being a big kid, and we won't just be an extension of each other anymore...I'm misting just thinking about it! But I'm the mom, so it's my job to put on a happy face and help her to feel brave about what's to come, even if inside I couldn't be feeling any less brave if I tried. She's my only - my baby...I'm already having anxiety over preschool. But I will cheerlead her through every fear and piece of anxiety she has because that's what we do, right?
So after all the woo!hoo! for 5 party subsided, she asked me what my favorite number was (age) and I even had an answer for her. I did like being 5 because I made my first school best friend in kindergarten and she was the bestest friend ever. But after that I really liked being 8. I got a scooter for my eighth birthday, I invented my imaginary friend Betsy that year, it was good times to be had by all.
So what number did you like being best?
 The key to my history, who taught me how to love with all that I am; I wonder sometimes who I would be without them...I'm glad I'll never know. My family. They showed me what unconditional love looks like and showed us all that choosing someone for better or worse is neither a fairy tale nor a myth. My parents.
The people who I can be completely me with, who love me no matter what, who I have treated like crap and vice versa - yet we'll have each other's backs for as long as we live. My siblings. The man who knows me at my very best and my very worst, who has grown up with me...Who makes me laugh and drives me crazy, but has become a person whom I can't imagine life without. My past, my present, my future. My husband. As they came along one-by-one, I was overwhelmed and amazed at how immediately you can fall completely in love with someone in the space of a single breath, heartbeat, cry. I'd never known a love quite like it...Couldn't imagine a greater love that wouldn't shatter my heart to pieces at its fullness. My nieces and nephews. The greatest love I have ever known. A love born before ever even seeing a face. The moment I felt that first movement in my belly, I was hers. Before she was even born, she became a person I couldn't live without. She is our everything. My daughter.
Weeks ago I applied for another online writing position with MomSquawk.com. I hadn't heard anything back over a week later so I thought I'd just send out another, 'hey I'm still here and I'd really like to write for you, e-mail,' (striving to leave out any vibes of desperation, mind you). A few days after that I heard back from them saying they had received an overwhelming response to their call for a Motherhood / Parenting writer and they had come up with a little something to spice things up a bit. What might that be, you're wondering? Well let me tell you because this is where you come in. We were given the option to write a short essay about a parenting lesson we'd learned, from there our essay would be posted on the MomSquawk Facebook page and the competition would begin. Competition, you say? Do tell...The writer whose essay collects the most comments between now and midnight on April 20 gets an automatic offer to write for MomSquawk. What to do: - Go to the MomSquawk Facebook page and 'Like' their page. (Without liking their page, you can't comment or like anything). Not quite sure what I'm talking about? No worries MomSquawk hooked us up with a screen shot to help us out.
- Go to my essay: Being Abby's Mom and leave a comment.
- Share it with your friends with these instructions.
- Give yourself a big, virtual super hug (or super squeezie as I would say to the little loves of my life) on my behalf.
Thanks so much for helping a girl out! I hope you enjoy my essay.
 Singing and dancing through life. This morning as I listened to my daughter sing herself awake, I couldn’t help but think, “Lord, let her always wake up with such cheer in her heart.” My mother prayed a similar prayer for me as a child, but more on that later.
Lately it’s a rare moment in our day when Abby isn’t filling the air with songs – whether from memory or brand new material, fresh off her imagination. From the house, to the car, to wherever we end up – she’s singing. I love this about her; the freedom in which she’s still operating. I don’t look forward to the day when she becomes embarrassed when she realizes people are listening to her.
After I graduated from college, my mother shared with me the prayer she had prayed for me as she watched me skip away to kindergarten. She prayed that I would always carry that happiness within me, that I would never lose that joy that made me “skip” through life. The reason she shared this with me was because, following my graduation as we were setting up for the party, she watched with tears in her eyes (seriously, no dramatic exaggeration here) as I skipped away to the door.
So I’m hoping that one day, years from now, I’ll get to experience a similar moment of dreams realized for my daughter. On the outside looking in, it might seem like a small thing, but to me it’s everything. Are there other prayers I pray for my daughter? Of course, nothing in her life is off limits in those conversations, but happiness, joy...Isn’t that what we want most for our children?
 It’s amazing to me how the little things can make a day perfection. Today, for me, was a day filled with little things that made my heart ache at their simplistic beauty.
It was the sound of singing birds, the joy on a child’s face, the love of two brothers…
Our morning started off as most Sundays do – in a rush. Abby and I were rushing out the door; running late - nothing new there, but then it happened…A moment so perfect in its sweetness, that I remember actually thinking, “Slow down, let her enjoy this moment like only a child can.” On the first day of spring it was fitting that we experienced our first morning serenade from the birds. Abby was enchanted by the sound, exclaiming, “Birds! They’re tweeting to me! Tweet, tweet, tweet! I talking to the birds!”
That one little moment allowed us to shake off the stressed out feelings of the morning rush and just…be.
Once at church it was time for our annual Lenten baking of “Praying Arm Pretzels” and that brought so many little moments in and of itself. The joy the kids have as they roll out their pieces of dough and form them; it’s beautiful. Such a little thing, yet it’s their favorite Chapel Time activity.
Later, as I sat in church with my family, two of my nephews at my side, I happened to glance over at them in time to witness a moment that made my heart ache. My sister’s youngest son was snuggled up to his older brother and Tommy had slipped his hand into Austin’s. It was just one of those moments that was so tender and sweet that I wanted to bottle it up to save for a rainy day.
Today was my reminder to stop and enjoy the little things; I hope you will too.
Jinxed is the parent who even dares to think, "We've sure been healthy this winter. How lucky are we...Crap, no, I didn't just think that, knock on wood..." *sigh* Too late. Such is my life this past week. It had actually looked to be a fairly decent week writing wise, but life had another plan in store. On Wednesday my girl had a bit of a cough, but nothing to really raise any red flags...Or so I thought. By the end of the day she had a raging fever - and by raging I mean the highest fever she's had in her four years of life. 103 plus. On top of that, shortly after going to bed for the night the poor girl experienced some unfortunate digestive pyrotechnics. I think it's safe to say that no one actually enjoys the process of throwing up - it's upsetting, yet my poor baby was melting down over the fact that "only babies have accidents." Oh kiddo. Not even close. After this first incident I knew we were in for a long night and indeed we were. I should say here that Ask-a-Nurse just might be one of the greatest inventions ever. I'm panicking over the 103+ temperature, ready to dash her to the emergency room, if need be, but the kind nurse talked me back off the ledge. Rather than going into a long and detailed account of the rest of our sleepless night, I'll just say that a phone call was made to my parents at one in the morning and multiple loads of laundry were done throughout the night. As I mentioned above, I had all kinds of plans for the writing that would get done this week - I was going to be on top of things, darn it! Alas life had a different plan. Every time I sat down to work, the ladybug needed some snuggles or assistance of some kind or another. And at the end of the day, which hat tops the pile? Mom or Writer? No question there, Mom all the way. Plus, who in their right mind would turn down snuggle time from a normally active 4-year-old?The following days haven't been any more productive, though I did finally manage to get something pulled together today and that was more a 'have to' than anything since today is National Genealogy Day and I had already been gathering quotes and statements for the article, so I couldn't just let it pass me by. Fortunately, for most of the day Miss Abby seemed to be rebounding...You know, except for the cough that seems to have bombarded her full force now that everything else is simmering down. Ugh. Poor kid. Kind of breaks your heart when your kid's constant refrain is either, "It hurts" or "Why I gotta be sick, mama?" So for now this mama is praying for a healthy baby (she's still my baby) and hopefully a more productive coming week. Oh, and keep your fingers crossed for me, I applied for another online writing job...I'm hoping. P.S. The article for Genealogy Day is essentially a celebration of grandparents. My favorite quote used in the article is: "Grandchildren are the dots that connect the lines from generation to generation." -Lois Wyse To weigh in on why grandparents are so special, go to Celebrating grandparents on National Genealogy Day.
 Matching jammies for their first slumber party. This past weekend Abby reached a crucial milestone in becoming a kid. Gone is the toddler, she is now fully embarking upon honest to goodness “kid-dom.” She had her first slumber party with her cousin counterpart, who is exactly one year older than her.
Earlier in the week Abby declared her desire to have a sleepover, when I inquired as to who we would be inviting for such an event, there was no hesitation when she said we needed to call ‘Kayla. A phone call was made to my sister and after she had a conversation with her husband, it was agreed, we would get Makayla on Friday night.
Following you’ll get an up close and personal view of what it looks like to have a 4 and 5-year-old slumber party.
4:30 p.m. – Call my sister to see if we can pick up Makayla and take her to the store with us.
4:45 p.m. – With a giddy girl in tow, we dash up to the door and are greeted with equally matched giddiness. With her little roll-along suitcase in tow, followed by a flurry of kisses and “have funs” we are out the door and ready to kickoff our night.
4:50 p.m. – Upon getting the girls safely buckled in, as we head out of the driveway their giddiness cannot be contained as they giggle uncontrollably and play an adapted game of hide and seek…Buckled. In the car. Makayla: “Count to two Abby and I’ll hide.” Abby: “Okay! One, two, three, four…” Makayla: “No! Just to two Abby!” As she ducks her head to the side of the car seat.
5:45 p.m. – Following a successful outing to the store we arrived home and the girls volunteer to help make the pancakes. This required no small amount of negotiating skills on my part, as we determined who got to pour what in, followed by how long they got to stir before switching. Overall, phenomenal helpers.
As I finished up the pancakes and got the eggs and sausage going, the girls played some UNO Moo and Whack-a-Mole. 6:15 p.m. – We settle in with our breakfast for dinner and both the girls eat ridiculously well. Despite warnings from both her parents and Makayla herself that she doesn’t eat eggs, she had two helpings – we’ll simply call it the magic of Aunt Bec.
7:00 p.m. – The girls and I play a couple of rounds of UNO Moo before they decide they do in fact still have room in their tummies and vote that it’s most definitely time to get the popcorn popping.
7:30 p.m. – With only a small level of debate the girls pick their movie of the night and we end up with the fantastic third installment of Toy Story. Picking out the movie went too smoothly so we were due for at least a minor argument, which was the result of who got to sit on which chair and where.
Major drama was averted by piling pillows up for the girls to lay on complete with blankie snuggling. We got the popcorn popped and they settled in for loads of giggling fun.
9:15 p.m. – “Okay girls! Time to get ready for bed!” Already jammied up, this was met with no resistance as they shared the stool to brush their teeth…It was too easy.
--Phone call from my mother: “Well at least since they’re so little, you won’t have to deal with the whole staying up all night.” Me: “Oh, yeah…Totally.”
9:15 p.m. – 12:15 a.m. –
- “I need water.”
- “I’m scared.”
- “Aunt Becca, Abby doesn’t want to sleep in the tent.”
- “I want a cup.”
- “I’ve got to go potty.”
- “Can I call my mom to say goodnight?”
- “Abby wants to sleep in the tent again.”
- “Where’s my sleep buddy?”
- “I’m cold.”
- “Will you zip us in the tent?”
- “I love you.”
5:45 a.m. – Hearing the girls get up to use the bathroom, I continue dozing on the couch. However…I am again raised from my sleep to realize I still hear two silly girls. As I drag myself off the couch, I see that the light in Abby’s room is on. I open the door to two guilty looking girls who each want to blame the other for playing at this ridiculous time of morning. However, I send them back into the tent where they sleep until…
8:30 a.m. – “Shhh be quiet.” We’re up and running for the day. The girls have their breakfast, we catch some Saturday morning cartoons, and cap off our slumber party with some Go Fish and Crazy Eights.
While getting them to go to sleep definitely wasn’t easy-peasy I think we’ll go ahead and bill our first slumber party as a success!
Note to self: Despite the numerous books on parenting available, there is no actual rulebook to guide you through the process. This is unfortunate. My most recent Fun Friday piece lists 10 things no one tells you before you become a parent (which could actually be a good thing), and number five on this list was probably the most currently pertaining out of all of them for us - well that and number ten. Number five basically talks about the challenges of following through on the consequences we set out for our children. Note to self: This is quite possibly one of the hardest things about parenting - consistency and follow through. The ladybug has recently decided it would be more fun to play during her naptime instead of sleep - this would be fine if I thought she didn't legitimately still need a nap. On the days she wins and nary a snore is to be heard from her room, the evenings are drama central. So, what's a frustrated mama to do? I had threatened to take her toys away, but had yet to actually have to back up my words...Last week she lost her toys in her room. Note to self: Sticking to my guns is infinitely harder than anticipated when she oh so pathetically and heartbreakingly sobs over each special (and not so special) as it was placed in a box. Being the lawmaker is not all roses and sunshine. It took her three days to earn those toys back, and this week she lost them again. I am going to win this battle, darn it! As I type this she's up there dreaming the afternoon away, and I'm thinking the real thing no one ever tells you is that it's often hard to know if you're on the right track...Or anywhere in the neighborhood of the right track, and it's only going to get more challenging.
 Parenting. Like any relationship the parent-child relationship has its highs and lows. There are days when I feel like a complete and utter failure. Then there are days where we’re clicking and it’s perfection. And of course there are the in-between-kind-of-days. Regardless what kind of day it is, she is my everything and my heart feels ready to burst with love more often than not.
You might know that Abby is three-years-old. It’s such a short time for someone to be in your life yet so profoundly impact you, isn't it? When in truth, from the first moment I felt her move in my belly, I was hers.
My pregnancy was not easy, but still I loved having her with me all the time. I spent a lot of time talking to her when she was in my belly. The day I found out she had stopped growing and she would be coming earlier than expected, it was truly my first mommy moment. I remember driving home following that appointment alternating between talking to her and God. Reassurance for her and me and begging God to take care of this life I could no longer imagine being without.
But I digress…This week I’ve been very aware of the best part of my day, which is what spurred this post. My absolute favorite part of the day, one of the best parts of being a mama, is the end of the day last kiss before I go to bed. Often when I sneak into her room and lay the softest of kisses on her beautiful cheek, a smile will briefly flit across her lips.
Earlier this week we shared a similar moment and I swear- it felt as though my heart would burst into a million pieces. As I neared her bed, the floor creaked a little and it drew her every so slightly out of her sleep. Reaching her bedside, she automatically reached out her hand for me to hold. She murmured a few things as she hovered between that deep sleep and slight wakefulness, but wouldn’t release my hand. Her face was completely relaxed and more “baby looking” than I’d seen it look in a long time. I whispered equally unintelligible things to her as I knelt by her bedside, holding her hand, stroking her face for I don’t know how long, watching her sleep before I finally left her side. It’s moments like that, where everything is right in our world and it’s just us, that take my breath away and make all my shortcomings a little more bearable.
What are your favorite parenting moments?
*(Originally written/posted on October 1, 2010)
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